Sex Substitutes

There once was a man from Eugene

Who invented a fucking machine.

It was both concave and convex,

And could fuck either sex,

And jacked itself off in between.


There was a young man on Bombay

Who fashioned a cunt out of clay,

But the heat of his prick

Turned it to brick,

And chafed all his foreskin away.


There was a young fellow from Dallas

Who enjoyed doing things with his phallus.

So many tricks did he try

It became, by and by,

Little more than a leather-tough callus.


There was a young lady named May

Who frigged herself in the hay.

She bought a pickle–

One for a nickle–

And wore all the worts away!


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A drinking club with a running problem

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