Good ship Venus

‘Twas the good ship Venus—

By Christ, you should have seen us—
The figurehead was a whore in bed,
And the mast the captain’s penis.

Chorus:

There was frigging in the rigging,
and wanking on the planking,
masturbating on the grating.
There was fuck all else to do.

The captain of this lugger,
He was a dirty bugger.
He wasn’t fit to shovel shit
From one place to another.

The captain’s name was Morgan.
By Christ, he was a gorgon.
Ten times a day sweet tunes he’d play
On his reproductive organ.

The first mate’s name was Cooper.
By Christ, he was a trooper.
He jerked and jerked until he worked
Himself into a stupor.

The second mate’s name was Andy.
By Christ, he had a dandy,
Till they crushed his cock with jagged rock
For coming in the brandy.

The captain’s wife was Mable;
To fuck she wasn’t able,
So the dirty shits, they nailed her teats
Across the bar-room table.

The cabin boy was chipper,
Pernicious little nipper.
He stuffed his ass with broken glass
And circumcised the skipper.

The captain’s daughter Mable,
The captain’s other daughter
They laid her on the table,
Fell in the deep sea water.

And all the crew would come and screw
Delighted squeals revealed that eels
As oft as they were able.
Had found her sexual quarter.

The captain’s daughter Mary
Had never lost her cherry.
The men grew bold and offered gold,
Now there’s no Virgin Mary.

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A drinking club with a running problem

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