Our hares, Clownmydia and Value Vagina Discunt, were quite mischievous last night. You could tell by their lackadaisical attitude and the way they causally held their bags of flour like it was no big thang (how disappointing). They skipped off into the night fog and the pack considered staying by the car, since that’s where the keg was, but unfortunately our mere half-minds could not quite figure out that the driverless car with the keg would not be moving to any alleged beer check location.
So, like the good little hounds we were, we trotted off into the deep woods of Mt. Tabor in search of our slimy hares. Little did we know, those bastards were hiding behind a nearby bush, watching and waiting for us as we obliviously ran farther away from the keg.
Now let me tell you something about these hares—they like to stand around in one big circle (could be two people, could be twenty), pull down their lacy panties, hawk a big ol’ loogie into their palm, and start rubbing one out for the person to their right. They get so into it, sometimes they’ll use three or four loogies, as they stare fervently at the back of Mr. Right’s head while Mr. Left pulls on them harder and harder. Then, in a great extravaganza, they all let their load go into a magnificent creamy-white fireworks display.
So basically what I’m saying, the hares led us in two giant circle jerks, and both the first and second beer checks were waiting for us at the same parking lot we started at. The keg never moved, and we were just left with loogies on our dicks and a really disgusting fireworks display.
Since our wankers really don’t have the stamina to maintain a circle jerk for any length of time, we were able to have a nice leisurely religion in a secluded amphitheater on Mt. Tabor. There was a glorious fire that lit up the faces of all the hounds, and Cockjaw entertained us with his songs and well-groomed eyebrows. We had a virgin, whose name I believe started with “Just,” a new sexy bimbo transplant from Eugene, and several visitors to the No Name, including Long Haired Wiener Dog who told us about a his lack of bombombados. It was a fantastic crowd for such a glum winter evening, and we drank until the beer was gone. Honor to the hares! Honor to all the lazy backsliders who decided put some pants on and cum to the No Name!
Then we swang low.
Your sticky scribe,
Romancing the Bone
Okay bimbos and wankers. I have an announcement to make. I am going to begin writing erotic romance novels/short stories. They will be the most amazing erotic romance stories that have ever existed. They will be sexy. They will be explicit. They will be funny. They will be about real people (none of that stupid damsel-in-distress or knight-in-shining-armor shit). They will get you off like you’ve never experienced. This is how I plan to make my first million. Please lend me any erotica you have lying around to help me with my “research.” I promise to make good use of it. Also, if you know an editor or publisher, let me know, I promise to make good use of them too. I will keep you apprised of my progress. Thank you.
Upcuming (This is going to be an orgasmic week for hashing!):
Today: TGIF at the Bitter End Pub
Saturday: OH3 Adopt a Family Hash starts at The Trap
Sunday: Wet Spots does the Dead Whores holiday brunch hash at the Goose Hollow
Monday: Coitus does the Kahuna
Tuesday: The 5th Anal Beaver Caroling Hash
Wednesday: Santa Slut and Ken Doll do the Fugly Xmas Sweater Hash for the Hump
Thursday: Grab My Handlebars does the No Name