I would drink 500 beers


Last night’s hash was hared by an old geezer name Gym Nasty.  It was long, there was shiggy, and Old Gym impressed everyone with his ability to not dislocate his hip.  It was super shitty, and our hare supplied us with $17 worth of Miller High Life (the Champagne of Beer).  But it ended at Goose Hollow, which was lovely as always.

As Cockjaw and Pabst wanked each other off in a most spectacular showing of flexibility, endurance, and speed, I couldn’t help but notice the music in the background, so I thought I would write a new song.  Here it is:

When I’m running yes I know I’m gonna be
I’m gonna be the hasher who’s running hard for beer
And when the beer comes in for all the running I did
I’ll drink absolutely every single drop of it

When I cross the shiggy yeah I know I’m gonna be
I’m gonna be the hasher who’s raped by blackberry thorns
And if I fall down well I know I’m gonna be
I’m gonna be the hasher who falls down dick first in the mud

But I would hash 500 miles
And I would hash 500 more
Just to be the wanker who hashed 1000 miles
To drink a cold PBR

When I get drunk yes I know I’m gonna be
I’m gonna be the hasher who gets so drunk I spew
And if I stumble yeah I know I’m gonna be
I’m gonna be the hasher who’s stumblin’ to the keg

But I would drink 500 beers
And I would drink 500 more
Just to be the hasher who drank 1000 beers
To fall down with a whore

When I’m horny yes I know I’m gonna be
I’m gonna be the hasher whose limp because of alcohol
When I have wet dreams yes I know I’m gonna dream
Dream about the time when I saw boobs.

When I wank off, yeah I know I’m gonna be
I’m gonna be the hasher who wanks off to thoughts of beer
When I cum, yeah I know I’m gonna be
I’m gonna be the hasher who cums all over you

But I would fuck 500 whores
And I would fuck 500 more
Just to be the man who fucked 1000 whores
To fall down with disease

 

Your singer/songwriter scribe,

Romancing the Bone

 

Upcumming:

Tonight: TGIF at the Bonfire Lounge and then dancing at Goodfoot in SE

Saturday: 10th Analversary of the Dead Whores H3!! Back to where it all started at the Gemini Pub in Lake O.

Sunday: PH4 mismanagement meeting at Skinny’s in Tigard

Monday: Coitus does the Kahuna

Tuesday: Crack Up does the Beaver

Wednesday:  Barney Balls and Clownmydia do the Hump

Thursday: Tard Core does the No Name on NW Skyline Rd!!

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