You may recall, way back when, I wrote a Trash about shortcutting. This is what I said:“Here’s my tally: Successfully shortcutted: 1 Gotten lost trying to shortcut: 69 But I’ll never forget the one time it actually worked.”
I would now like to tell you about that time that actually worked.
Robo Dick was deflouring Double Hoe 7: International Clam of Mystery, and they brought us to the top of the spectacular Rocky Butte. This trail certainly had promise, promise of shiggy, promise of beauty, promise of sex and booze, even promise of finding human remains (my personal favorite). But we would soon discover that these things would not cum so easily. Our hares kept their legs closed, they teased us and tortured us, and broke their idle promises. Oh man was it a shitty trail.
So there I was—the hash shit clunking up and down, Cockjaw mad because I beat him and smeared flour all over him, and then the first (I assumed of many) rather steep hill. So, I walked as I watched the pack push farther and farther away. And then, of course, Fallen Cum Rag and I were too busy orally pleasuring each other to pay any attention to trail. Just when Cum Rag, Stink Finger, Fuu Fuu and I started to say this was one of the longest first legs of a trail we’ve seen in a while, we took what we thought was a very slight shortcut, just clipping a bend in the road, and BAM. We saw the On In. But why weren’t there any beer checks? Where was everyone? I really thought we were on true trail the whole time…
After a mild amount of concern that we were on trail backwards, since the actually On In was .69 miles from where they wrote On In, we made it to the end at approximately 7:45. Our stealthy FRBs were Fallen Cum Rag, Stink Finger, Fuu Fuu, and myself. We may have missed the beer checks, but there was a keg waiting for us at the end, and we drank copious amount as we waited for suckers like Gayzelle and Cockjaw to finally get to the end, and that’s why shortcutting is honorable.
…even if it’s on accident.
We soon learned that we weren’t the only half-minds that missed beer checks, some made it only to the first beer check, while others only made it to the second. I’m not sure anyone actually made it to both. Honor to the hares for showing us there’s a 1001 ways to lay a trail (or not lay a trail) on Rocky Butte. Honor to the pack for learning why it was so hard to find a body there…
We watched the sunset over all of Portland during the On In, while we were serenaded by the most stunningly beautiful song about herpes I’ve ever heard. It was a Pump me Dry original, and I’ve added it to our hymnal so we can all aspire to be as awesome as that bimbo. We also had a very reluctant visitor who refused to tell us her hash name because “it’s so embarrassing.” As you can imagine, we finally got it out of her. Her name is apparently “Doggy Style” because she really hates dogs—which seems a bit mild to me (perhaps she’s lying). But anyway, if she hates her name that much, then I LOVE it. Iced Pee got the hash shit for giving up way too easy and trying to rename her (I hope you like the 5 pound ball hitch I added to it).
This day will forever go down (just like me every second Friday after the full moon) in history as the day I successfully shortcutted. And. i. Will. Never. Ever. Forget. It.
Your successful shortcutting scribe,
Romancing the BoneUpchucking: Today: TGIF at Scandals Tomorrow: Sux on the Beach does the OH3 at Couch Park Sunday: OBGYN: Nice Snatch takes us to Port Way Tavern in N. Portland Monday: Anita Kahuna Hare? Tuesday: Anita Beaver Hare! Wednesday: Hump: Just Kim and Hareola get defloured by Shoots But Does Not Score and Chew Toy at the Buns and Guns Hash! Start at Ole Medium Rare in Clackamas. Thursday: Can’t Finish hares the No Name
HELP MAKE THIS AN AWESOME HASH WEEK BY HARING!!!!