Two hashes, both have no dignity,
In fair Portland, where many get laid,
Even in sewers, streams, and blackberries,
Where dirt and blood make all hashers unclean.
From forth luscious loins of these half minds came
A pair of star-cross’d Hares take their flour;
Whose misadventures piteous gut
But with their trail the pack will glower.
The fearful passage through the endless shiggy,
And the continuance of the pack’s inebriation ,
Which, but an empty keg, nought could remove,
Was the two hours’ run of inflammation;
The which if you with cortisone cream attend,
What here shall miss, your scratches shall strive to mend.
Last night was the comingling of hashes. Two hashes—one to celebrate the joys of a hairy full moon, the other to celebrate another thrilling Thursday—came intertwined for a coitus that would wet, dirty, and a bit smelly.
We had to venture to the sticks of Milwaukie so that Pabst could give us a tour of all his favorite spots to drink booze when he was a wee little Pabst Smear. He and Prison Bitch were our hares, and they knew just how to satisfy these two voluptuous hashes at the same time.
The trail made a B-line to the shiggy and it wasn’t long before we were lost in a thicket of dead blackberry bushes as thick as a gypsy’s snatch. We crossed creeks no less than 6.9 times, each one deeper and smellier than the last. Our brief sojourns on pavement were only to freak out the civilians of Milwaukie with a giant mob of bloody, sweaty, stinky drunks coming out of the bushes—or is that not unusual for Milwaukie?
We eventually made it to the beer check, where we found ice cold Hamms and Sessions. We drank out beers as we basked in the blazing sun that finally decided to join us.
From the beer check, the trail took the shiggiest, longest path back to North Clackamas Park. There we found a pair of bloodied up hares, delicious sandwiches, beer, and some tasty mayo for the dogs.
We got double our pleasure with two RAs, two sacred vessels, and two long pieces of fabric. It’s at this point in the evening that my memory becomes a bit fuzzy, so I’ll quit while I’m ahead (like Xena). Short and not-so-sweet like String Cheese.
Friday: TGIF- Whoreshoe Tourney at Laurelhurst Park
Weekend: Dead Whores-The Bimbos will have a naked wine induced pillow fight in the mud.
Monday: Kahuna-Ass Parade and Town Whore get lucky at the Lucky House in NE
Wednesday: Hump- Sister Fister and Slut Machine hare an absolutely fabulous Tu-Tu hash
Thursday: Goodwill Cunting donates his virginity to the No Name
Your Shakespearean scribe,
Romancing the Bone
P.S. Vote Romancing the Bone and Skinny Bitch for GM.