Due to the fact that our lovely hash scribe found herself hareing this week, your weekly N2H3 Hash Trash cums to you from none other than yours truly, Poke Her Face.
So just how many hashes can you r*n through Multnomah Village in a week? If you said 69, well, then you’d probably be wrong. We’ve learned that the answer is at least three, however, including two in one night! Thankfully, our hares Romancing the Bone and Cock Jaw, combining their half-minds into something that resembled a whole, took necessary precautions and made sure to color their flour a radiant shade of red. Oh, but this had other advantages. For you see, tonight would be a night like no other. Hidden among the d’trails was a harbinger of what was to cum – guests at the first beer check, and no need to RSVP? Was Rectal Rooter finally going to participate in his first gang bang??? Alas, it was not to be. We would, however, be treated to a rare sighting of the elusive Stumptown Hash, who themselves were following trail nearby laid in blue flour. (Now at this time I could point out the interesting decisions by the hares in their respective color choices, which are often associated with another bipartisan part of our culture here in the United States, and I could characterize each of the hashes and point out the underlying irony in this – but I won’t.) Instead, I will regale you with the sight that greeted us upon arriving at Gabriel Park. Imagine, if you will, the perfectly timed arrival of two hashes at one “master” beer check, complete with a cooler full of jungle juice and 69 or so thirsty hounds. Then imagine them cumming together in song, all while quaffing their beverages and engaging in friendly conversation and general camaraderie. Of course, such a majestic sight would not be complete without some asshole streaking through the crowd wearing nothing but a fanny pack, and proving to us all once again just how tiny his dick is. All in all, it was great to see so many hashers at the beer check, no matter which hash had brought them there.
When at last we parted ways, the No Name hashers continued through the park, back into the neighborhood, and then back into the park once again. I heard Pabst comment that we were following a dead trail, as our hares had laid it earlier with their car, claiming something about having gotten Mono from Chubby Chaser (or something like that). They therefore graced us with their presence at the second beer check. Not to be outdone by the jungle juice check, they produced a large jug of Carlo Rossi for us to consume, along with our normal selection of shitty beer and some thoughtfully laid Hornsby’s. Flaming Fart remarked on Value Vagina DisCunt’s ability to turn anything into a sexual innuendo, and we all marveled at the freakish height of Heavy Flow Day’s brother (6’10”). Back through the neighborhood we went, at last finding our way to the On Home at a picnic table in the middle of an open field.
Religion was lead (ish) by our sickly RA Cock Jaw, along with the “help” of Iced Pee and Plan B. Cock Broker (who admitted to everyone that he’s had the hash shit 69% of the time that he’s been at the No Name hash) was finally able to pass it on to Flaming Hetero, who, it was revealed, is getting a new roommate. Oh, but not just any roommate. Apparently, she’s a former student who will be graduating next week. Honor? Sounds more like trouble to me. Finally, Plan B did a down down for the naming of his dog Peanut, who shall now be known at the hash as . . . Rape Whistle! (if you need an explanation, try picking Peanut up sometime)
Honor to our hares, who delivered a shitty trail despite being under the weather! Also, honor to the Stumptown Hash for the joint beer check! I hope the rest of your trail was shitty, and your vessels never empty.
Cumming up in the week(s) a-Head:
Tonight’s Kahuna Hash – Join Twatsicle and Cocksicle on a tour of Forest Park
Tuesday – Beaver Hash #105 with your hare Chubby Chaser. Chubby defloured himself at a Beaver hash last year. Find out what he has in store for you all this year!
Wednesday – Hump Hash #534 hared by Radies Man at Wallace Park. Expect lots of dick checks.
Thursday – No Name Hash #15 – With a name like Gonad’s Smut Shack, who wouldn’t want to cum?
Friday – TGIF still TBA
Saturday – OH3 hared by Long Haired Weiner Dog and Stinky in My Ass in Washougal. They promise new shiggy.
Sunday – Oregon Bash Grab Your Nuts hared by Cocksicle
June 17th – 19th – If you’re a bimbo, sign up to join us out in Hood River for a weekend of wine and hashing!
Your sexy, substitute scribe,
Poke Her Face